I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize