I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
