Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize