I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
