the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
