So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
