paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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