Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
