it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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