I'm eating all of the evidence.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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