I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dicks are not precious.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
