Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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