I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
