I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
