Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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