I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
