we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
