Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
