So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
