i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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