I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
