the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
