Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
