you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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