Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize