could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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