He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
