A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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