Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize