I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Four minutes until I can fart!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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