You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
