just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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