I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
