It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
