please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
