She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
