I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
