You smell like a Billy Joel song
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
