My liver just broke up with me...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
