she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
