I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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