I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
