I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
