This is not my ceiling
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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