just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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