They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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