i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
