i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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