I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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