Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Boobs speak an international language.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
