i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
