Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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