piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
