woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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