Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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