Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
