dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize