Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
How's work?
Spinning.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
