Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You took a bar mat shot.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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