Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
