She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
