Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
