Pappa wants mamma naked
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
