Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
third nipple confirmed
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
