dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he fucked my hip out of place.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize