every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
