I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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