What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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