I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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