Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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