Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
