i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize