Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
