If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
