yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
