Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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