I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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