How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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