Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
