Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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