Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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