im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
jump out the window naked night went bad
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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