Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
