There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize