I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Text me some of your sweat
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
