theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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